Unrequited love, Opening the doors to introspection.

In retrospect unrequited love teaches us many things we did not know before. Despite the obvious downsides to unrequited love. There is an upside which needs to be explored and mentioned. There are two distinct aspects of experiencing unrequited love which add to a person's personality unconsciously.
The first aspect is that of introspection and the second of learning and evolving.

To all those who have experienced unrequited love, you would never have known the depth of your soul, or dug deep enough into your own feelings, had it not been for unrequited love. One sided relationships help us find who we are inside. when all the doors are closed, behind the shutters, away from the judging eyes of the world. we get a unique look at ourselves. we have a chance at introspection. we slowly get well acquainted with our deepest desires and emotions. One sided relationships mean that a person must find a way to rationalize his desires and need to love and be loved, by a particular person. Despite knowing full well that their love will never be reciprocated.
Unfulfilled feelings compel the individual to think and ponder on not only what can be, but also what that means for the individual.
The individual is forced to ponder upon questions like:
Am i that strong to keep loving someone unconditionally?
Do i have the patience to love without asking for anything in return?
How long till i reach my limit?
How long will i keep allowing myself to feel this pain and suffering?
How much energy have i wasted in pursuing my love interest?
Can i just let go, and move on ?
Is it possible for me to love someone else as much as this person right now?
if i don't love this person my life will be empty?
Then what will I do?
How will i cope without this person?
This is just top of the iceberg, one sided love leads to self exploration.
One only realizes how much one has changed , how much one has grown and just how much one now knows about oneself, after they have moved on. This is the introspective power of unrequited love.
It isn't always necessary that one gets what one wants, it is often when one is denied ones desires, that the individual becomes enlightened.
Naturally now that the individual has had ample time to reflect, their metamorphosis begins.
well acquainted with their thoughts, feelings and emotions. the individual now starts to learn how to deal with them. How to remain functional and open to new people while at the same time learning to deal with the pain of letting go. Its by no means an easy journey, it entails taking a few steps back to the familiar every now and then. But with the ebb and flow of emotions the individual gradually manages to cope and push forward.The individual is in the right state of mind to resume his/her life once again. With one major difference this time they are much more stronger, wiser and mature. They know now how to process emotions better than anyone else. They also are able to deal with their feelings independently without relying on anyone else to help them cope. Their need to lean on others for emotional support suddenly diminishes as well.
This metamorphosis like all growth changes is accompanied by its fair share of pain. However once the dust has settled, the metamorphosis completed. This new individual is by far a more experienced and wiser person in many aspects not just one. this individual is now much stronger emotionally and spiritually than before.
I'll end with a very positive note, everything that happens to us in life can be perceived, reacted upon in either a positive or negative way. although it is must easier to go into our dark places with less effort. Its still a conscious decision on our part and does require effort nonetheless. So instead of wasting our energy in being sad and depressed over what happened, Its advisable to focus on what we learned from it and how it changed who we are. Try to rationalize how this new change can be more useful to you. What new skills have you acquired, and how you can utilize them more effectively to lead a improved life and accomplish your goals.    
   

MBTI-Myers-Briggs Type Indicators-Personality Test

Everyone is curious to find out how people perceive them , what personality traits they have and how those can be put to better use.I know of a number of people who like to take random tests online ranging from personality tests to intellect or IQ tests. sadly these tests are mostly found on facebook which are a waste of time and grey matter because of their inaccuracy. 

I recently stumbled upon this specific personality test and was very keen to share it on my blog. this is the MBTI or Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. this test was constructed by qualified psychologists. MBTI basically shows   types of personalities and they are listed by the initials

 for example:

• ESTJ: extraversion (E), sensing (S), thinking (T), judgment (J)
• INFP: introversion (I), intuition (N), feeling (F), perception (P)

below is the link to the test :

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Once you take the test and get ur particular personality type just refer to the picture below for the brief overview of chief characteristics of your personality time. 

Incase any one is interested when i took the test I got INTJ and /or INFJ the strategist/ the Mystic. 

Unrequited love...

To be honest i was ashamed to accept my feelings. i was ashamed to face how i felt . I didnt have the guts to express how i felt to my beloved and even to my self. So i did what i do best. hide everything deep down inside. it was only recently that i began to evolve. For the first time in over 8 years i found my self confessing my love and feeling to my friends. I dont know how exactly i came out of my shell so abruptly. the important point is that i did although it took me a decade to face my feelings and emotions. What i gathered from this experience is that its very important to acknowledge ones own feelings. its a very liberating feeling. Dont expect everyone to understand how you feel, but at least allow yourself the kindness to accept and acknowledge how you feel about yourself and those around you, or even your situation in general. Its a catharsis really to stop fighting with yourself and just be who are, and feel what you feel.
sometimes we tend to want things we arent suppose to have. we desire the undesirable. we long to be with the people we know we cant have.
anyways whatever the reason on their side. unrequited love has its benefits as well.
we get to be in love with someone without the added responsibility of being in a relationship. this means no responsibilities no expectations no commitment etc. although its more heartbreaking and painful than having someone love you back. its still better than not being in love at all.
Some advice on unrequited love:
1.Confess your love to them,
2.if u cant do that then atleast tell someone u trust, at least someone know how u feel so that u dont suffer in silence.
3.List down all the positive and negatives of your love interest.if u cant be impartial then ask a friend to help you. for often when we are in love we don't see any flaws in our beloved.
4. Then see if someone else is showing interest in you? are you ignoring them because ur stuck in  love with some one who might never love you back.
5. don't waste away your life running after someone who doesnt want you. If they dont like you now chances are they will never fall in love with you later down the line. so stop wasting your time hoping and daydreaming. Wishing for someone to love u doesnt work especially when you know they are moving one with their life. you should do the same.
6. from my experience i can say make a rule of thumb, if your the shy kind falling for poeple who  you can not get your entire life. then Follow this rule set yourself a simple time period that you will devote to pursuing this love interest of yours and if by the end of the stipulated time you fail to have a mutual relationship then MOVE ON PERIOD.!! you tried and it didnt work.
7. If your like me who regularly requires a little tough love then ask a friend to slap you back to reality of how things really are.

Truth is its always better to be loved back, being in a mutual relationship is much more fulfilling and rewarding than being in a one sided relationship.







   

My cage...my confession

Its been ages since i last poured my heart out on here. But recent developments have brought out this raw emotion within me. a part of myself which i had buried deep down inside. Emotions, attachments, intimacy and disclosure all words i had stripped away from my life. I let loose.
These past 6 months i was foolish enough to try and reconnect with people. In the process i ended up feeling exposed and more hurt than before. I thought i had changed, become more strong and brave ready to get back out there, to feel and receive love. instead when it actually came down to it i ended up hurt and saw myself falling back into old habits. its like im attracted to the wrong people, i keep sabotaging myself. this reminds me of the saying that the heart wants what the heart wants. in my case my heart wants specifically those people that want to break my heart and destroy my very core.

My experience with people have not been that pleasant.  i shy away from all kinds of relationships, attachments, i hate feeling vulnerable and i hate trusting someone because of some experiences which haunt me till today.  

At first I struggled to accept that i should remain alone. But then for a really long time i had made peace with this notion. i was fine on my own, in my shell away from people. keeping everyone at arms length. 

With time i realised that i was missing out on not only life but i had stopped growing as a person i was stagnating. All this self destruction and for what. what was i aiming to accomplish all this for. why was i so hell bent on being alone?, shying away from people that were remotely kind to me, helpful and in some instances even loving towards me. It dawned on me I was so used to living inside a box, in captivity that i forgot what it felt like to be free. just like how caged birds keep coming back to their cage. I too was more afraid of freedom. I was more comfortable inside the box away from everyone with whom i could form attachments. i wasn't ready to allow myself to experience any kind of happiness and love. I use to stay away from people that i found remotely good or kind. I refused to make friends, i refused to make small talk in class or at home. I refused to show any emotion especially those of love, care and affection towards anyone.

Recently i felt that my solitude was leading me towards stagnation. it wasn't helping, my mantra i am an island. i was still in pain, i was still hurting i was still being tormented by forcing myself to stop feeling to deny my nature. so then i decided to get back out there to just let go, to let lose myself to allow myself to feel love and affection for another human being. but with one major difference, i thought living a life of solitude had better prepared me for interaction with others. 

"man!, was i wrong to assume that." guess i'm still as naive as can be. 

NO matter how one slices the cake, choosing to be alone or interacting with people, there will be moments when i will be hurt, broken, in pain and depressed.
But with the latter option i will no longer be stagnating in my place. instead with each bad experience i will become more mature , i will learn to adapt to change, i will become more flexible more accepting of others and my own shortcoming. 

I am still afraid to leave my cage completely for i frequently return to it to find solace but i am more afraid to stagnate.

Being true to yourself....is it worth it ?

Sometimes we desire things which are not meant for us, or worse than that by desiring or wanting something we risk hurting the ones we love. Its a paradox really if one thinks about it. do we chose that which we desire at the expense of our loved ones or do we forsake it to please those that are dear to us. Do we become selfish and pick our own happiness or do we deny ourselves this happiness and find solace in the happiness of those we love. some people say true happiness lies in helping others. but in not talking abt just helping someone. yes of course helping people does give one happiness but im talking here of a desire or want or need to be true to who u are. the point im making is what if you decide to be true to urself and its in direct conflict with the wishes of those important in your life and u had to choose one which would it be?  this is a rather complex choice. what psychologists call a lose lose situation. because no matter how u slice it you will ultimately lose either yourself or those u care about dearly.
say for the sake of argument you decide that it's best to ignore ur own desires needs or wants and focus on what ur loved ones want from u instead. U act altruistically but even when those around u are happy ,ur not, even if u pretend to be  ur not, u try and try and try ur best to process and accept ur decision and stick to it. but to what end. eventually u will burn out or worse become resentful towards the very ppl tht u sacrificed ur happiness for in the first place and than imagine where that would lead u. what was the point of this who experience if ur still going to hurt them.
now look at the other option where u decide to go ahead and put ur needs first. u decide to chose ur happiness over theirs. u decide to give yourself preference. but ur loved ones cant accept u or what u decide and start resenting you for it or just dont accept ur decision to begin with. this would mean starting an uphill battle which in the end will achieve nothing but heartache for all parties involved. so my question to u is what do u do?
alot of u would be thinking to yourselves, rationalizing it making sense of what kinda desire am i talking about what wants or needs am i referring to here ? because u figure if u know wht it is then its easier to select an option pick a position in the issue. but u miss one thing rationalizing things dont always work. we try and even succeed at rationalizing our choices and decisions but that doesn't change how we feel about them u can rationalize both options but there will be pain involved in both scenarios and that is something which can not be rationalized.
feelings and emotions cant be rationalized. they are what they are.
we feel what we feel we cant hold tht back or stop it.
just like we cant change who we are at our core. we can put on layers, camouflage ourselves, hide behind masks,  behind other people but we cant change who we are intrinsically.